“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” - Dr Seuess
Parents often enrol their child in Speech and Drama hoping it will increase their child’s self-confidence. However, sometimes they confuse self-confidence with a child’s ability or desire to be socially accepted or to fit in. Often parents are concerned because their child is quiet around peers but loud and energised when at home. This is not always a reflection of self-confidence. A child not wanting to do the same activities as others or not always joining in at parties might still be a very secure and confident child. As parents, when considering a child’s self-esteem, it’s about focusing on the child’s values, interests and talents and how comfortable they are pursuing and sharing them. Not on how well the child fits in socially.
Speech and Drama is all about teaching children that it’s ok to stand out. That it’s fantastic to be whatever they want to be. To love themselves no matter what anyone else thinks. This is where true self-esteem comes from. In Speech and Drama, children are encouraged to create their own identity, and develop the confidence to share it with the world, without needing approval or admiration from others.
As a teacher I encourage this instinctively, but as a parent I sometimes find it difficult to let go of social ideals. So I have thought a lot about how I can bring some Speech and Drama philosophies into my own parenting, and here are five ideas I have come up with:
1. Enjoy their imagination. I love when my students come up with whacky, crazy and unusual ideas. Yet when my kids play imaginative games and want me to play too I don’t always have the patience. I have to remind myself that it is important and when I have time I take on the character they give me and get involved in the game. There are lots ways to get involved. You could have a conversation with their imaginary friend or invent crazy stories with them. This is teaching them that we fully accept and enjoy all their ideas and imaginings, no matter how strange or crazy they are, which gives them the confidence to share these ideas with others.
2. Give them feedback. In Speech and Drama, when students perform we provide feedback rather than praise. So instead of saying “great work!” I’ll say, “I really liked the way your character did that” or “your movements were fascinating”. I aim to give my own kids feedback as well, rather than only compliments. So if they draw a picture for example, instead of saying, “Wow good job!” I try say something like, “I really love the colours you chose”, or “that’s such an interesting shape”. Giving feedback shows children that you are paying attention and that you really appreciate their ideas, quirks and uniqueness.
3. Show them it’s ok to fail. I know for my students it can be scary to stand up in front of an audience and speak, and so we create an environment where it is absolutely ok not to always get it right. We enforce the idea that there is no shame in failing if you gave it your best shot. In parenting I think this is so important. Often children hold back because they don’t want to disappoint someone or get it wrong. Encouraging failure sounds odd, but it’s essential so that children know it’s ok not to always be perfect. And so they have the courage to try again. In alleviating fear of failure, we create the confidence to try without worrying about what others are doing or saying.
4. No comparisons. Speech and Drama is all about the individual. The focus is on what each student personally wants to get out of his or her lessons. There is no competition between students and certainly no comparisons. I really try bringing this into parenting as much as possible. In the same way as I wouldn’t say to a student, “Janie has already perfected her character, why haven’t you?” I try not to alert my children to what others are doing and rather focus on them. Their own challenges. Their own goals. Their own achievements. This reinforces to them that everyone is on their own journey in life and there’s no need to compare with others. That it’s actually a great thing not to be the same as everyone else.
5. Let them speak for themselves. Often, especially in improvisation tasks, my students just can’t find the words and will stumble or freeze. I can easily feed lines to them, but this defeats the purpose. The idea is for them to find their own way of expressing their thoughts; no matter how awkward or difficult it is. I think the same applies to our children. We may worry about the way they present themselves in conversations, especially if they are shy or introverted, and so we answer questions for them to protect them. Although it’s coming from a good place, to a child it might suggest that they wouldn’t have given a suitable answer or that they aren’t good enough. If we let them speak for themselves, we are telling them that we believe in them, that no answer they give is wrong, that their voice is important no matter what.
“Today you are you. That is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you” – Dr Suess
